Showing posts with label ready to love again. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ready to love again. Show all posts
Sunday, August 7, 2011
akap pa
Tila hindi ko na nababanaagan pa
ang ngiti sa iyong buwang maganda.
Malalim, tila sadyang kay lalim
yaong tinatantong lihim.
Nais bang talakayin pa?
O sadyang pagniniig ay kulang na
upang yaong sakit, yaong hapdi -
yaong mga luha’y tuluyang mapawi?
Kinikimkim, iniipo’t niyayakap mag isa,
subalit batid kong hindi na kaya pa.
Lumuha ma’y di na bumibitaw -
ang hapdi ay sadyang hayok, uhaw.
Batid kong nais mong lumaya,
nais mo’y minsan pa’y lumigaya.
Subalit, bakit sadayang kay hapdi, kay pait
sa tuwing ika’y madadarang, malalapit
sa ligayang, hatid sa takipsilim ay hapdi.
Nais mong muling ngumiti, sumaya.
Ngunit sadyang hirap kang bitawan na
- mga alaala’t kupas na larawan nya?
Kay hirap limutin, bumitaw pa
sa kahapon at mga bukas na sadyang wala na.
Nasi mo lang ibigin, at muling sumayaw.
Ngunit bakit sadya atang ang puso
Sa lipas na kahapon, di nais bumitaw?
Nais mo lang mahalin.
Nais mong magmahal,
Subalit yaon ay di magagawa
kung ang kahapon ay akap pa,
at kung sa sariling multo’y di lalaya.
----
Daybreak. 8/8/11
Brent Tzu
Monday, February 7, 2011
an EMPTY dream
I remember Julia’s character in the ever sweet and funny Nothing Hill.
There was this scene when after they (meaning, she and Hugh) made love, right after the world has sink in again, she asked how he felt. She said something like, is it like after you masturbate, the guilt comes in?
It was a funny scene with a funny line but such, is as profound, I think, as I am just but a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her.
Today, I simply would like to write something about emptiness, about being empty.
Paulo Coelho, in his Veronika Decides to Die gave a picture of this. The line goes…
I'm still young, pretty, intelligent, I won't have any difficulty in getting boyfriends, I never did. I'll make love with them in their houses, or in the woods, I'll feel a certain degree of pleasure, but the moment I reach orgasm, the feeling of emptiness will return. We won't have much to talk about, and both he and I will know it. The time will come to make our excuses—‘It's late’, or ‘I have to get up early tomorrow’—and we'll part as quickly as possible, avoiding looking each other in the eye.
As I grow older, I feel like I understand better Veronika’s point of view. She said it perfectly, I am neither happy nor sad and bitter – so better end it now when I have nothing to lose. It’s pathetic though that she has not found anything to live for, even in the end of the story. I feel what Veronika feels, but unlike her I still hope that one day I would stumble upon that real reason. I can always say this and that, as my reason for moving forward, but that only makes me a good liar.
It’s tiring trying to fall each time, and then hit the ground. It’s even harder to try accepting when the road just gets rougher each moment. I feel empty, so empty deep within today – and you know what bothers me? It’s the fact that though I have reasons in mind, I don’t really know why I feel like this.
Is it because of the weather? my current krusada perhaps? Or is it my coming of age?
Worst, is it because of life itself? - that at some point of life man would really drift.
EMPTY – is a big word full of meaning.
Hai. Perhaps this is just because of my current situation, perhaps I need some break, some rest; for you know the heart could only take so much. Kung ang laptop nga has to sleep, perhaps I also need some of that, in every sense of the word.
In the end, I’d like to live up to Julia’s character than Veronika’s. She chose to face life while the latter succumb. Emptiness is but a phase, and as my friend would say daanan lang, wag tambayan.
I am empty, I feel bruised and crushed…
…and I give up - for now, just now.
This is nothing but an empty dream…
watch me when I wake up.
There was this scene when after they (meaning, she and Hugh) made love, right after the world has sink in again, she asked how he felt. She said something like, is it like after you masturbate, the guilt comes in?
It was a funny scene with a funny line but such, is as profound, I think, as I am just but a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her.
Today, I simply would like to write something about emptiness, about being empty.
Paulo Coelho, in his Veronika Decides to Die gave a picture of this. The line goes…
I'm still young, pretty, intelligent, I won't have any difficulty in getting boyfriends, I never did. I'll make love with them in their houses, or in the woods, I'll feel a certain degree of pleasure, but the moment I reach orgasm, the feeling of emptiness will return. We won't have much to talk about, and both he and I will know it. The time will come to make our excuses—‘It's late’, or ‘I have to get up early tomorrow’—and we'll part as quickly as possible, avoiding looking each other in the eye.
As I grow older, I feel like I understand better Veronika’s point of view. She said it perfectly, I am neither happy nor sad and bitter – so better end it now when I have nothing to lose. It’s pathetic though that she has not found anything to live for, even in the end of the story. I feel what Veronika feels, but unlike her I still hope that one day I would stumble upon that real reason. I can always say this and that, as my reason for moving forward, but that only makes me a good liar.
It’s tiring trying to fall each time, and then hit the ground. It’s even harder to try accepting when the road just gets rougher each moment. I feel empty, so empty deep within today – and you know what bothers me? It’s the fact that though I have reasons in mind, I don’t really know why I feel like this.
Is it because of the weather? my current krusada perhaps? Or is it my coming of age?
Worst, is it because of life itself? - that at some point of life man would really drift.
EMPTY – is a big word full of meaning.
Hai. Perhaps this is just because of my current situation, perhaps I need some break, some rest; for you know the heart could only take so much. Kung ang laptop nga has to sleep, perhaps I also need some of that, in every sense of the word.
In the end, I’d like to live up to Julia’s character than Veronika’s. She chose to face life while the latter succumb. Emptiness is but a phase, and as my friend would say daanan lang, wag tambayan.
I am empty, I feel bruised and crushed…
…and I give up - for now, just now.
This is nothing but an empty dream…
watch me when I wake up.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
up
How do you know that you're simply infatuated from really falling?
The thought came to me on a relatively relaxed afternoon. I am on duty but the staff aren't around so I am practically spending time on a free ticking. Done with my task and objective for the day and its only a quarter past four. My thought's playing again.
I looked at your profile, even tried you chat box but to no avail.
I guess it's really over, the fire has died and my heart has to, again, and for the last time.
Every night I lay myself to sleep, wondering how warm you might be if only you're on my side. I sometimes cry the pain out, but only for the moment, for each time I see you y heart wouls gain be filled with that same excitement, with that same thirst for a hand to hold.
I used to think I don't deserve to cry for love's sake.
But when you finally closed the door – an act I took as a prelude to something better – of how stupid of me.
Now that the mirror has finally made me realize...
braise your self, as for when I wake up, when I get up out of this sulking...
you would wish you took me the moment I knocked.
… to be continued.
The thought came to me on a relatively relaxed afternoon. I am on duty but the staff aren't around so I am practically spending time on a free ticking. Done with my task and objective for the day and its only a quarter past four. My thought's playing again.
I looked at your profile, even tried you chat box but to no avail.
I guess it's really over, the fire has died and my heart has to, again, and for the last time.
Every night I lay myself to sleep, wondering how warm you might be if only you're on my side. I sometimes cry the pain out, but only for the moment, for each time I see you y heart wouls gain be filled with that same excitement, with that same thirst for a hand to hold.
I used to think I don't deserve to cry for love's sake.
But when you finally closed the door – an act I took as a prelude to something better – of how stupid of me.
Now that the mirror has finally made me realize...
braise your self, as for when I wake up, when I get up out of this sulking...
you would wish you took me the moment I knocked.
… to be continued.
Monday, November 8, 2010
ladylady
Seems I was walking in the wrong direction
I barely recognize my own reflection
Scared of love, scared of life alone
Seems I’ve been playing on the safe side
Building walls around my heart
But,
I’m ready to feel now.
I’m ready to feel now, no longer am I afraid of the fall down,
I guess I’m ready, ready to love again…
Myself.
I guess it’s time for short hair days now…
Been working on perfecting long hair days but it never lasts…
The tower defeats gravity, only for a while because each time he climbs up…
He falls back down.
And the witch flies just as often as he peeks from the bushes…
Sunny side up days I guess are not meant for me now…
The hurt has been really hurtful, the wounds were deep
Though I have healed and though I am ready to feel again,
I guess it’s time to read on the books first, see the wizards and win battles of my own.
For now,
Bye bye glass shoes…
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