up

How do you know that you're simply infatuated from really falling?

The thought came to me on a relatively relaxed afternoon. I am on duty but the staff aren't around so I am practically spending time on a free ticking. Done with my task and objective for the day and its only a quarter past four. My thought's playing again.

I looked at your profile, even tried you chat box but to no avail.
I guess it's really over, the fire has died and my heart has to, again, and for the last time.

Every night I lay myself to sleep, wondering how warm you might be if only you're on my side. I sometimes cry the pain out, but only for the moment, for each time I see you y heart wouls gain be filled with that same excitement, with that same thirst for a hand to hold.

I used to think I don't deserve to cry for love's sake.
But when you finally closed the door – an act I took as a prelude to something better – of how stupid of me.

Now that the mirror has finally made me realize...
braise your self, as for when I wake up, when I get up out of this sulking...
you would wish you took me the moment I knocked.

… to be continued.

huggieBEAR

I’m supposed to write my application letter for my OJT but as I put the head set on, and play my senti songs, yun, out of the blue naalala kita. Asan ka na kaya?

It’s very rare that I talk about you here, ever since we decided to let the distance win, wala nang nakarinig nang pangalan mo. Technically meron, but you know, I never opted to talk about you in that manner, until tonight.

Thanks for loving me once.

But as the song goes, di na ako aasa pang muli, sa’yo.

You were my first, at almost all. It would be a lie if I say that you weren’t, coz despite the fact that you were technically the second, my heart knows that it was with you that it has first felt perfectly right. You were my first love, my puppy love, and to be honest, each time I have someone around, you have become the standard. I would always compare those I have seen and been seeing with you. You were the first to have taught me how to be vulnerable, how to feel right despite all odds. It was you with whom I have first heard the real sound of I love you, the worth of a smile, a hand to hold, it was you who taught me the difference between a warm hug in a cold night and a plain, but real, warm hug. I would never forget how you were able to make me realize the difference with loving and being loved, and everything else in between. You were my best friend, my confidant, it was you who first saw the real me. It was you who first taught me that the world is warm and the sun do dances. It was you, you were my lamp, my first dance and my first date at Narnia.

Yes, I have to admit, you were the one who taught me what happy ever after means.

Sadly, it was also you who taught me what chapters mean.

I love you, my friend, my lover…

I have loved you more than I might have showed.

And tonight, I simply miss you.

I wonder kung asan na ang minsa’y naging tagapagtangol ng puso kong duwag.

Funny, pero naalala ko lang yung nasa roof top tayo, you had the warmest arms then and the sea was dancing with my heart as our souls talk in silence. Hai, asan ka na ba kasi?

It feels so strange that for once you were my entire world…

But now it seems that we are worlds apart.

Maybe it’s better this way.

But I would have to say though, kung muli kitang makikita, kung muli nating susubukan, handa na ako.

It would be such a bliss na muli akong magigising na kapiling ka.

I miss you,I miss you my muffin.

I miss my huggiebear.

Kung asan ka man tonight, please know I have always loved you.

Take care, and I wish to walk into your life again, someday, sana…

For now I can only go on…

and Alex, you should, too.

11/15/10 past 10