cross roads

With much apprehension, I started editing my resume today -tailored fit the thing to the work description of an NSTP formator. (deep breathe, almost a sigh)

I really don’t know, I mean I have pending applications, most of which Manila based, and am just waiting for further processes, as my application has been positively entertained. I checked my email days ago and much of them speak of assurance that details are being plotted out so that when I fly to Manila, things’ll be smooth already. But…

Amidst all this, there live inside my heart a little voice that shouts (as loud as it can I guess) that I ought to stay. The lungga is so comfty a place for me to leave, the Ateneo is so prestigious-a-name for me to exchange with other employers and my heart says it has found its missing piece, who by the way, decided to stay.

Torn. I ask, now what?

Is there anything harder than this? Aside from the fact that I might lose my left eyesight, I want to believe that things are laid easy for me now – but it’s not. Crossroads are a headache.

I would love to leave as much as I want to stay. Would it be the future I imagined it to be – uptight clothes, flashy working environment and dreams coming true – or would it be what my heart somehow tries to insinuate, blue blooded formator with a passionate heart ready to take a chance again in a place called home? Wah! Freak out!

Charles told me last night he’s dumbfounded when I confessed my JaCo thingy (that I care, wink, much more than he knows), now I guess I would need a word a degree higher, or maybe two or even higher than that so to describe how overwhelmed I am.

(deep breathe, now it’s a sigh)

the little wonderer is lost, lost with which road to take :((