dying young

dying young

I find it quite funny (and cute) when the nurses and medical staffs at the Legazpi Eye Center ( Bicol Acces Health, too) give their remarks that I’m too young – for my eye condition.

Funny how we associate old age with degeneration, I mean, yah, ganun naman talaga – we’re born and we’d die – the life lived in between does the difference but it’s just sweet (and weird), you know, being regarded na bata pa – as if telling me that ‘hey you still have things to do – a lot’. Alam mo yun, parang everybody’s got an idea on how to run my life; that I have a lot to offer – and to see.

Fairness, tama sila.
I used to not really understand the context of Veronica in Veronica Decides to Die (a Coelho novel) – but now, I do; while everything else is at its best fit and place – why not bid the world goodbye. I mean, I don’t know if epekto ulit ito ng ‘happyPILL’ ko, but everything seem right again – at kung mamamatay ka, hindi ba’t you’d rather choose the time when things are perfect.

Pero kahit ganun, naiintindihan ko man si Veronica, I really wouldn’t want to die - young . Not this young, not now.

I have been praying for healing – and I can feel that Manoy’s listening. I’m healing and learning lessons to keep on the way; I think ito naman talaga ang purpose as to why I am going through this.

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Journal entry ko the night before my CheckUp
7/27
*disambiguation: threat of CANCER or HIV is low – and improbable (already)

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While was deciding to whether I’m going to post it or not, naalala ko that from now on I wish no more secrets (sort of) no more sides and blind sides kaya I just thought, perhaps, it’s time I embrace this new grace.

dreaming&praying. working life out.