It’s not that easy to break the habit.
Hindi madaling iwanan ang nakaraan, lalo’t kung higit mong nadama ang tunay na nais madama. But I simply have to move on, to move away from this, from us, from the memories that I keep on clinging on. But I just have to admit, breaking away from the habit is breaking my heart. Masakit, sobra.
Makailang beses mang itago sa baul ang mga alaala, minsan, they just come in my dreams – hunting me. Ilang beses ko na bang itinapon ang mga larawang kupas? Ngunit tila isang mahiwagang ilog ang muling iniaagos ang mga litratong ito pabalik sa aking puso. Minsan pa’y sinunog ko ang bawat bulaklak, bawat tuyong alaala ng mababangong kahapon, but the smoke gets into me, puts tears into my eyes. At muli, the tears just fall and save them from the fire. I’m not worthy of this pain, but why is it that I find myself driving back to where we were before, wishing that the stars are shining just as bright as then.
Hindi dapat, hindi na dapat pang balikan. Wala na din namang babalikan, ang minsang pagkakamali ay hindi na dapat pang maulit, but damn, I keep on driving back.
You’re not worth it, and I don’t deserve this. I know, my head tells me that I have to leave you behind, that I have to burn the memories to ashes and bury them forever. But my heart keeps on running back, the doors I have tried so hard to close, opens up in seconds whenever the tears falls down.
The pain after the pain is more painful. Let me move on, I don’t deserve this.
please. Stop knocking at my door.
it will keep coming.. gaya nga ng sinabi ko its a matter of embracing bad, unfair days, and more shit..
ReplyDeletesometimes you'll even feel that everything is doing well, then in a snap, you'll find yourself below zero ground again..
one thing i learned, iikot ang mga bagay bagay ng pailang beses bago mo mahanap ang katahimikan at kalayaan.. doon ka siguro mas matututo..
so be patient with yourself.. mourn if the day asks you to.. cry if your heart is hurting.. miss him if your heart feels it.. wish him love and happiness.. then start picking up yourself again..
one day, you'll find yourself smiling kahit paulit ulit pa rin nangyayari.. its not getting numb because of the pain.. its maybe what they call "unconditional"..
masakit. sobra. at walang magsasabi na magiging madali. pero ganun talaga.. its the price we pay when we choose to love..
sa huli, alam mo ang mas mahalaga.. yun ang laging panghawakan..
u-turns,
stop overs,
stranded,
relapse,
bring it on..
baby steps
even in ground-zero..
big hugs..:)
u-turns.
ReplyDeleteang daming u-turns sa buhay natin.
make us smile, laugh, and even cry.
masakit man.
may kasiyahang nakikita pa rin sa puso.
they keep on coming back
'cause memories na tumatak sa puso natin
never fades, or needs time para makalimutan.
@simplixiety..
ReplyDeletei know what you mean..
and i understand what you mean..
sige lang bosing..
kaya yan..
hugs :)