It’s not that easy to break the habit.
Hindi madaling iwanan ang nakaraan, lalo’t kung higit mong nadama ang tunay na nais madama. But I simply have to move on, to move away from this, from us, from the memories that I keep on clinging on. But I just have to admit, breaking away from the habit is breaking my heart. Masakit, sobra.
Makailang beses mang itago sa baul ang mga alaala, minsan, they just come in my dreams – hunting me. Ilang beses ko na bang itinapon ang mga larawang kupas? Ngunit tila isang mahiwagang ilog ang muling iniaagos ang mga litratong ito pabalik sa aking puso. Minsan pa’y sinunog ko ang bawat bulaklak, bawat tuyong alaala ng mababangong kahapon, but the smoke gets into me, puts tears into my eyes. At muli, the tears just fall and save them from the fire. I’m not worthy of this pain, but why is it that I find myself driving back to where we were before, wishing that the stars are shining just as bright as then.
Hindi dapat, hindi na dapat pang balikan. Wala na din namang babalikan, ang minsang pagkakamali ay hindi na dapat pang maulit, but damn, I keep on driving back.
You’re not worth it, and I don’t deserve this. I know, my head tells me that I have to leave you behind, that I have to burn the memories to ashes and bury them forever. But my heart keeps on running back, the doors I have tried so hard to close, opens up in seconds whenever the tears falls down.
The pain after the pain is more painful. Let me move on, I don’t deserve this.
please. Stop knocking at my door.
